Hola Kristen,
The philosophical questions you ask are quite big and complex because are part of life itself - they have to do with fear to the unknown, insecurity, ignorance, low self-esteem, etc. People that have those problems are very easy to manipulate because they are eager to hear somebody to tell them what to do and how to "fix" themselves ... Anyway, as i said, these are bigs things but we have to stop them, no matter how ignorant or coward that people are (sometimes i really feel sorry for them, because they are rotten with a horrible cancer, the cancer of racism and hatred).
You know? I've been also going thru a lot of stuff:My general physician poked a hole in my eardrum and was blaming me!!! I haven't been able to dance because of this problem. And horrible bullies at work have been attacking me just because they are so mediocre and thus AFRAID OF ME, because i'm way better worker than they are, etc. And so I've been feeling down, but you know what woke me up? Well, the fact that there are so many things to fight to give up just because of bullies of because of medical malpractice! In the same way that the racist have to be stopped, I also have to learn to stop the bullies at work and at the doctor's office!!! If i'm willing to fight ignorance and racism (which are HUGE!) of course i should be willing to fight bullies (which are not that huge!).
So, this helped me put me back on my feet and now i'm ready to fight!!! Yay!!!
The other thing that hits me hard is the sense of "home" that you mentioned earlier.
I realize i MISS my family so much!!! Sometimes i kind of regret that i left everything behind!! Sometimes i just think "i shouldn't have left, i shouldn't have left!!!".
But then again, this is a complex issue too, because being in another country has helped me find myself!!! As ironic as it is, from all the countries in the world, it was in the US where i found my true self! This doesn't mean I don't miss my family anymore, of course i do, but i do now have a different point of view which has helped me grow a lot. And i agree, home is where the people you love are, but i think you can have several homes in the world. Mi corazon es como una pichonera!!
One thing that has helped me a lot in the racist front is understand why (some) whites are so racist, and I have been reading a book, i guess that was written having whites in mind but thru it i have learned a lot, the name of the book is White Like Me, reflections from a privileged son from Tim Wise. This book has helped me contextualize and put words to the feelings and ideas i've had regarding white behavior but that i didn't know how to express or understand.
It's a tough book to read if you are white, because Tim Wise goes directly to the root and does not spare words to name the privilege that whites enjoy in this country, etc, but it is so good to read, and even as devastating as this social problem is, this book gives you hope because if one person could understand this, there's hope for the rest. I highly recommend this book.
Another thing that gives me hope is youth, children, thinking of my beautiful godson, so eager to learn and so full of love!!
Though there are horrible things happening, there are beautiful things as well, we only need to find them or better, we only need to create them (support somebody that really needs, fight a good fight, open your heart and give love ...)
Si, aqui seguimos en la lucha por la vida, luchando y amando sin darnos por vencidas!!!! Si nos caemos, nos levantamos y seguimos haciendo lo que nos llena, aunque aun no sepamos hacia donde vamos.
Como un escritor chicano dijo una vez "we, colored people are like that weed that no gardener wants in his garden, they try to kill us, they try to exterminate us, they uproot us, they tear us out; but we always find ways to come to life again, no matter what, the next day the gardener will find again that undesired weed in his garden".
Abrazos muy fuertes desde Califas, Aztlan, la tierra de mis ancestros!!!
Chicoasen
--- kristen
Hi Chicoasen,
I received your email about the immigrant bashing that is somehow acceptable to a arge number of people in this country (this fact still is hard for me to comprehend even though i see, hear, it again and again)
I am very sorry that this is part of the ugly reality of humanity that we are living. The struggles seem so countless some days that it really brings me down.
But then i find my way back on my feet and know that there is still so much beauty and light. And i have to keep working towards a world that is full of that light.
Still the question remains: why do we just waste this treasure of life by hurting others? And why does the cycle of inflicting pain on self and others continue?
Last night i went to an incredible poetry reading of native american youth. They inspired me. Their energy inspired me. what they knew at 17 years of age gave me hope.
On a less philisophical and more personal note, I have been un poco quemada at work and in life lately. Ever since i got back from my trip to the bay area, work has used my every last drop of energy. too tired to go to dance class, so i have been trying to get to yoga to learn how to stay balanced. (i am always in the process of learning this). I miss my friends in califas and i'm questioning why i move around so much.
I desire a sense of 'home' but don't know how to find it. jeff has the same problem with the idea of home becuase he literally does not have one to go to (no place or family). I am starting to think that home for me is the people i have in my life rather than a place. So, i am glad i am finally sitting down to write to you and connect a bit, as your friendship makes up part of that home i am missing lately. So, te mando un abrazo. Sigues amando y sigues luchando y siempre sigues adelante,
> kristen
